Let me in?

my favorite song as of right now. So there’s this guy,...

Thu, 25 Apr 2013 23:01:28 -0400

my favorite song as of right now. So there’s this guy, Dave Fanelli. He’s great, I like him, a whole lot. Especially because I’m typing this out right now instead of doing my chemistry homework (typical). Well, here’s the story of us two. About three months ago, in February when I had my old ZZP (before the accident), I came back from work. It was a warm Friday night, and I was really tired from work. My roommate, Amy Dombro, she told me about this guy as soon as I stepped in the room. She told me that she was talking to this guy from OKCupid (stupid dating website), and he wanted to meet her in Morristown tonight ,and he was bringing a friend for me. At first I was hesitant, but then I gave in and we went to meet them both. When we got to the bar, we looked around for two guys and I spotted two guys staring right at us and stared back. Sure enough, they came over and introduced themselves as Jamie and Dave. Dave was not my type of guy that night, he was a little chubby with a lot of facial hair, I honestly thought he was about 30 years old and was afraid, but I did all of this for Amy, and I knew it would pay off in the end somehow and some day she would have to get me back. So, the night started out rough and I was not interested but after a few drinks, I got used to Dave’s strange questions like what kind of cups do i like, plastic or styrafoam? He loved that I actually could make jokes up and play along with him, I’m guessing most girls didn’t. After those two clubs in Morristown, we went to Dunkin Donuts where I found out who’s brother he was, and that he graduated high school when I graduated 8th grade, and we lived in the same town a few blocks away from each other (how strange!) The next day, we were invited to his house where I met his friend Jay, and we sat, talked, drank, and laughed the whole night away. Dave was awesome, a great awesome friend to have and someone I could deff see myself into in the future, but he was so pushy in asking if I could cuddle with him, or hookup with him. Of course I said, no! I’m not just going to hookup with anyone just to do it, I told him and he understood. The next few months were awesome too, I got invited to trivia nights which I suck at, and more parties at his house where eventually I met his cousins and other friends. I Started realizing that he really was an awesome, amazing guy, and wondered why he was still single at the age of 25. We hungout and the more and more he made me laugh, the more and more I realized that this kid could turn into someone I could truly begin to appreciate and possibly even fall in love with in the future. He would come over to me and make silly noises and crack jokes from the first night we met (the guy with the blackberry) . He was popular and liked by everyone, and he could have a full on conversation with the wall that would be hilarious. He kept trying to get me to hangout, but usually I would say noo or just brush it off, like it was no big deal. I n ever thought anything of it, or that he was trying to get me to be with him possibly. One night, it was a Saturday night and Amy, Jay, Dave, and a few of his other friends went barhopping. Weird night because I saw some creepy man from the PT place at the bar drinking, and offered to buy me a shot (awkward as hell), but anyways. Dave made amy and I go to the Dive (Riverside Inn in Cranford) and we drank there for a few mins before deciding that it was time to go home. Dave was talking about something retarted (as always) and said something about taking a girl into a back alley and raping her was a perfect idea. So i got scared (jokingly) and said, NOOO don’t do it. So he yelled at jay, “HEY JAY, TAKE THE LONG WAY” and Jay took Amy around the entire train station. Dave continued to make me laugh and then for the first time, we locked eyes when we got outside of the train station and he grabbed me closely and just stared. I knew it was coming, I knew this was it, I wanted it but than again i was scared, scared to be used again. But I did it, I locked eyes with his and than closed them and kissed him. It was awesome, definitaly not what I expected but it was better. I giggled like a fourteen year old girl when she first gets her first kiss in a dark alley. I was happy, I jumped into his arms and he kept kissing me, he grabbed my hands and then we walked towards Amy and Jay who probably waited for us for a half an hour. I was happy, and told Amy what happened. NOt thinking anything of it, the next few times we hungout, we kissed a little bit. There was a little bar we went to where we kissed, and there was also a place where we took a walk. We went to the Cranford Track and that’s where he kissed me again and told me things like how he;s never really put as much effort into getting me as he did to me, and that we would take things slowly and see where they went. I was happy, he told me he was happy, and than things changed. I went to the barbecue at his house one night and then at the end of the night he took me upstairs and we fooled around a little bit. He didn’t think anything of it really, and I tried not to too. But he also said that he cared for me, and I felt like things were good, that he would text me the next day, we would talk, he would listen, he would take me out on a date, yadda yadda yadda. nothing happened. He stopped texting me really, and when I asked him if he was okay and if I was the reason why he was so blah, he said he would figure it out. Now I’m left scared and caring for someone who might not even want anything anymore. I care about him a lot, I really do. Whether we are just friends or something more (hoping for something more) I care about the guy, and would have never guessed it because it was totally complteely random. It’s amazing how people can change your life and not even be in it for a while, he’s given me an outlook on life that no one ever has, he has made me laugh like no one ever, and I’m really hoping that he lets me know what will happen. I want him to be okay, and to tell me that it’s not me. To tell me what’s going to happen between us, and to stop flirting with other girls around me if he likes me. IT hurts, and I don’t want to get hurt, again.

so

Sun, 24 Feb 2013 14:56:40 -0500

so they tell me that you are supposed to have the best 4 years of your life in college because they are the last few years that you’re young and carefree. They say that you meet your life long friends in college but have I found mine? Nope, have I ever been having the time of my life? nope, it feels like i’m in highschool still. I feel like my decisions have gotten me no where and neither have any of the people I’ve met, somehow I need motivation to get out of here, to do more than what i’m limited to here. Kean might have been a bad choice one because it’s not exactly a party or social school, it’s a commuter school. My car could have waited, I could have bought my own car when I worked more, but no, I decided to get a car and come to a school where I don’t feel comfortable at and where the people just aren’t my type of people.

what now? I’m a junior and pretty much living life backwards, living life from someone else’s view, living the life I didn’t want to, and I don’t know how to fix it.

one of my favorite quotes of all time.

Sun, 17 Feb 2013 20:13:06 -0500

You wanna run away, run away and you say that it can’t be so.
You wanna look away, look away but you stay cause’ it’s all so close.
When you stand up and hold out your hand.
In the face of what I don’t understand.
My reason to be brave.

-Josh Groban, Brave-

click the + then refresh your dashboard ;)

Thu, 14 Feb 2013 12:00:09 -0500

click the + then refresh your dashboard ;)

click the + then refresh your dashboard ;)

Thu, 14 Feb 2013 11:59:51 -0500

click the + then refresh your dashboard ;)

working out. have two more months to go, lets do this.

Wed, 13 Feb 2013 10:41:55 -0500

working out. have two more months to go, lets do this.

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Wed, 13 Feb 2013 10:32:11 -0500

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Wed, 13 Feb 2013 10:31:20 -0500

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Wed, 13 Feb 2013 10:30:38 -0500

Love, Life, and Everything Else: I'm afraid we'll never talk again and our friendship is over..

Sun, 10 Feb 2013 23:06:43 -0500

Love, Life, and Everything Else: I'm afraid we'll never talk again and our friendship is over..:

vintagehedghog:

It will kill me in the inside if it is. I love you. You’re one of my best friends, losing you is going to be so hard. But you haven’t talked to me since the night you yelled at me and said all those things about me. I know you probably won’t initiate a talk, and I have no idea how to with you with…

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Thu, 07 Feb 2013 12:53:03 -0500

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Thu, 07 Feb 2013 12:52:12 -0500

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Thu, 07 Feb 2013 12:48:02 -0500

-party: click here to enter into a teenage boys mind

Thu, 07 Feb 2013 12:45:48 -0500

-party:

click here to enter into a teenage boys mind

collar-and-hipbones: plumag-e: im-a-w-k-w-a-r-d-hi: imarie1: ...

Thu, 07 Feb 2013 12:44:47 -0500

collar-and-hipbones:

plumag-e:

im-a-w-k-w-a-r-d-hi:

imarie1:

inspirethekids:

pure-breath:

w-r-i-st-s:

Favourite photo on tumblr

never stop rebloging this

i wanna do this.

this is the best

WHERE IS THIS PLACE? I WANT TO MARRY THIS GUY.

It must feel so great to listen to so many different people. aH

this is amazing

coachela: this is probably the most beautiful thing i’ve read...

Thu, 07 Feb 2013 12:43:20 -0500

coachela:

this is probably the most beautiful thing i’ve read in my whole entire life wow

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Tue, 22 Jan 2013 23:05:40 -0500

furious: i love this so much

Tue, 22 Jan 2013 23:02:11 -0500

furious:

i love this so much

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Tue, 22 Jan 2013 23:01:59 -0500

Reblog if you want anonymous opinions about you.

Tue, 22 Jan 2013 23:01:26 -0500